The Simpsons Go to the Law Library

Yes I know I am cheating a bit with this post - but the hard Copy of Carpe Diem (Official Journal of the Murdoch Student Law Society) got delivered this morning and after all it is a digital world. Now who owns the copyright? Me as author or they as publisher. We can let the courts decide.

From the makers of Sex, Librarians and Video Tape, If I said you had a beautiful barcode would you hold it against my scanner, Da Library Code, A Few Inconvenient Truths About the Law Library, and Cultural Learning’s of Students for Make Benefit Glorious Law Library of Murdoch University

We present

The Simpsons Go to the Law Library

The Murdoch University Law Library welcomes all of you. Discovers are welcome. Every, Marg, Homer, Lisa, Maggie and Bart. We don’t actually welcome Bart not since he got his skateboard stuck in my Compactus. Be like Bart and write a hundred times “I must not write on the case law”

You will notice the rest of the Library’s recent renovation. The resulting effect is to make the Law Library look very dowdy and drab. A bit like Moe’s Bar minus the Love Tester. But funky furniture and bright colours do not a Library make. We have a great collection in both print and electronic and you will learn to access it quicker than you can say “Cop eating Donut.” All of it on South Wing Level 3.

Don’t be a Flanders. Prayer will not help you when you are late with your legal research. You really will be in a Dilly of a Pickle if you procrastinate. So get into the Library be-fo yo duz be-cum a fool.

Now you like a drink as much as the next alcoholic, but water is the preferred hydrating agent. Vodka, Scotch, Gin and Turpentine are prohibited in the Library. With Turpentine don’t breath on your assignments – it removes the print[1].

Pigs are not allowed in the Library. Not for the obvious reasons[2]. The primary reason is that the pigs eat the legislation. They love the Queensland Statutes but hate the Tasmanian Acts. If they are desperate they will eat NSW reprints. A fully grow pig can eat its weight in Legislation in a week[3].

Hey we have HeinOnline – no it is not Barny Gumbles favourite beer. If you were to eat potato chips continuously while just reading the titles of all of the article in HeinOnline you would be as fat as Homer[4].

The Law Library is not cut off from the rest of the world by a giant glass dome[5]. You can receive phone calls in the foyer areas but please use a quiet voice and try not to laugh like Crusty the Clown.

We have lots of law journals. You could read about Dr Nick in the Journal of Medical Malpractice. Where Dr Nick amputated the wrong kidney of a little orphan boy, who was only in for grommets and glue ear. Or read articles about Grounds Keeper Willie in the Journal of Why Scottish People are more Antisocial than Everyone.

Computers are our friends. They are here to help us. They never go wrong and always find exactly what you want. Best of all if you press the wrong button you will not cause a meltdown at the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant. Login is not required so even if you do cause a melt down we won’t know it is you.

Senior Law Student Helpers are available during extra busy parts of semester. They are there to show you the way. Don’t’ be afraid to ask them what you might think is a stupid question. You will find yourself saying Doh! a lot during your Law Degree. This is a good way to get used to it.

Anne Greenshields plays Marg but without the blue hair. She’s solid and reliable like the Simpsons matriarch, pulling a somewhat dysfunctional family together. She is firm when students need prompting with their Law Quizzes and fair when marks are to be allocated. Crystal plays Lisa Simpson but does a poor job on the saxophone. Bart Simpson is played by Ian who wished he had Bart’s hair but not his fingers.

The Law Library is Not a Squishy Mart. Although the Learning Common is starting to look and smell a lot like it.

Speaking of the law, it is an offence to do Monty Python, Borat or Jessica Simpson impressions in the Law Library. You are free to sing If I could turn back time if you are dressed like Cher and sitting on a big big canon[6].

Remember Go the extra mile or 1.6 kilometres. But please don’t smoke[7].

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[1] The Library has a team of Librarian Sniffer Dogs to hunt out users if you think you can get away with vodka.

[2] These include droppings, muddy trotter prints and students getting gored.

[3]The Pigs do not eat Federal Acts. Even pigs have some standards.

[4] But not as stupid

[5] Sometimes we wish it was.

[6] You will be surprised that you will actually want to do this after you fail your Torts exam

[7] Please don’t smoke. It’s a fire hazard. It will kill you in about 40 years. What’s more the LD really really doesn’t like it.